


Even lambs have teeth

by Dovey



Series: Bittersweet Treats [3]
Category: Naruto
Genre: (but no descriptions or anything), Gen, Haruno Sakura-centric, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Rape Aftermath, Rape Recovery, Recovery
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-24
Updated: 2018-03-24
Packaged: 2019-04-07 06:38:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,286
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14075118
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dovey/pseuds/Dovey
Summary: Konoha teaches its daughters to prepare for the worst from a very young age. There's rituals and a procedure for how to handle it, that they learn along with how to sort flowers and wear an obi. Sakura has to apply that education much earlier than most, and she thinks she's allowed to be mad about that, at least in her own head.





	Even lambs have teeth

**Author's Note:**

> this deals with the aftermath of if sakura was assigned a 'seduce & kill' type mission when she was still a genin. The fact that konoha canonically had classes specifically for the girl shinobi is pretty worrisome, so I figured if we're exploring the idea that they'd put children on missions like that at the very least they'd also teach them how to handle it (which doesn't excuse that they're doing it!!! at all!!! but it felt like it should be part of the system). 
> 
> there's only two passing references to the actual content of her mission, and they're extremely nondescript. this is about sakura's coping, not about the assault itself.

Sakura knew it wasn’t fair, but she blamed them for it.

She scrubbed her skin raw, burned it red with hot steaming water, until she felt something close to clean. This was part of the procedure. Part of the list. 

She used to love her hair, the soft pink that reminded her of her favorite grandfather. She had loved growing it out long, flaunting the shade and the attention it brought her. Now when she looks at it, all she can see is a target on her back. Pink stands out, and Sakura wants nothing more than to blend in, so she goes to the corner store and buys black hair dye and spends an hour carefully reading the instructions and setting up the supplies. It’s simpler than she’d expected, and by the end of the day, she’s got shoulder length black hair in place of her waist-length pink. It’s astoundingly average in every way, and she can finally breath easy.

 Technically, that’s not part of the procedure, but she thinks it was a good call regardless.

She’s the first of the new genin to get this kind of mission, and she knows she did a good job, which means she’ll have to do it again. Exemplary success begs repeating. She wants to bite her nails to the quick at the knowledge, but she can’t, not unless she wants to have to splurge on fake nails when she next needs to pass for a well-groomed civilian girl, so she settles for twisting her newly-dark locks and biting her lip until it bleeds.

She tosses her red clothes, and remembers what the guest instructor had said all those years ago. _Baggy clothes can help take the pressure off, help with the feeling of being watched. Long sleeves make it harder for others to touch you._ It’s the middle of the summer, but she keeps that advice in mind and goes digging in her closet for her winter clothes. The instructor was right- the oversized sweatshirt and sweatpants made her feel much more secure. Hidden. Sakura would love to go unnoticed, for a while.

She shows up to the team meeting place the next day in her new clothes, her dyed hair hanging down where she can fuss with it. She’s nervous and pale and internally pleading that she'll avoid their full focus. She used to daydream about showing up after a transformation and being _stunning,_ with perfect hair and womanly curves and stylish clothes. Other times, she would dream about arriving and looking like a warrior, covered in scars and muscles and professional clothes. Either way, in those dreams, her teammates would look at her in awe and would beg to know the cause of her transformation, follow her until she could deliver a killer line or a mysterious wink.

Now, she just hopes they keep their mouths shut and their eyes averted. Even Sasuke. (Maybe especially him.)

She can see it in her sensei’s eyes, when she arrives, that he knows.

Fine. It’s his fault, she thinks, because it’s true that she’d have been safe if she was a clan heir or a prodigy, but it’s also true that if Hatake Kakashi made a request, it wouldn’t be denied. If Sakura had learned anything these past few years, it was that power gave you credence, and her sensei was revered by the other shinobi. 

Her sensei’s eyes dart away as soon as they connect, a small frown etched into his mask as he turns away. She doesn’t know what he’s thinking and it’s tearing her apart, a bit, to wonder what that means. Is he mad she didn’t turn down the mission? Does he think she’s dirty now? He kept her on the team as the simple one, the innocent one, and now she’s neither of those things.

Well- she knows. She remembers, the lessons, that guest lecturer warning them. _You’re helping the village. There’s nothing wrong with you. You might feel dirty, or broken, or bad, but you aren’t- you’re a good shinobi and a service to your village._ She can feel that welling up in her, when she starts to scratch too hard at her arms to draw up welts, but she also knows the boys weren’t there and they’ll think whatever they want to think and it matters to her, if her sensei thinks all the wrong things about her now, even if she’s mad at him. She had wanted him to respect her, or at least like her- sometimes had it seemed like he could. Sasuke could be his work in progress who needed a stern hand and affectionate focus, Naruto could be his wild child who needed encouragement and gentle teasing, and Sakura could be his sweet, well-behaved student who kept them all from imploding. That wasn't an option any more, if it ever had been, and she has no idea what place she has in his eyes anymore- if she has one at all. 

She’s pissed with Naruto, too, because he stole her dream first kiss and now that she’s had her own, her jealousy has turned into a viper of a thing, poisoning her deep with a horrible bite. What will she say, when her friends ask her one day? _My first kiss was a man almost as old as my sensei, and it made me want to throw up. I killed him, and I didn't feel guilty._ That’s not the kind of schoolyard confession she dreamed of, growing up, but it’s the truth, and she knows it’s dumb but part of her blames Naruto for kissing her crush before she could and ruining that for her.

Her teammates don’t even recognize her, and it takes her a minute to understand that. Naruto freaks out, until Kakashi punts him into the lake to ‘think about his choices’. Sasuke had a kunai drawn as she approached and didn’t put it away until he could make out her eyes- the only thing she couldn’t change, a bright telling green, the only way he knew it was a teammate and not an enemy. The way his hand hovered near his pouch told her that last part was uncertain to him now, so unexpected her changes must be, and a pang of hurt hits her heart at that. 

“Kakashi-sensei, Sasuke-kun, Naruto.” She greets, and she doesn’t meet her sensei’s eyes but she chances a glance at Sasuke’s. Nothing. He doesn’t understand, it's obvious, and knowing she won't get any pity from  _him,_ at least, is enough to ease the weight on her shoulders. Of course he doesn’t, he never had to memorize the procedures, never had to prepare himself for if Konoha called on him in this way. All the signs are there but he has no idea what they mean, and Sakura is filled with a bitter kind of relief at that.

“I hear your first solo mission was a success, Sakura-chan. Good job.” Kakashi said, finally looking at her. Sasuke looks jealous, and angry, because he doesn't know what it means when a thirteen year old girl who's known for being clever and for not practicing in spars enough to have tell-tale signs of hard labor gets sent on a mission on her own. He's picturing his older brother and the path of a prodigy, battlefields and rising up in the ranks. The vindictive part of Sakura hopes he'll choke on his jealousy, but she mostly just wishes the boy will never learn the truth. 

She breathes in, out, in. Counts to ten in her head. Clenches and unclenches her fists.

“Thank you, Sensei!” She replies, forced cheerfulness in every syllable. “Anything for the good of Konoha.”

Unfortunately, she means it.

**Author's Note:**

> the more time i spend writing genin-era naruto fic the more i realize how messed up and unsafe the environment is for the kids getting raised in konoha, nevermind its reputation of being the 'nicest' of the hidden villages. i'm not even try and address the whole, "here random ninja whos super powerful and doesn't have to pass any tests or requirements for this, three children raised to obey your every order and many of whom are orphans, you do whatever you want to teach them! we have no training system in place, no check ins, and you literally control every aspect of their lives. i can see no way in which someone could abuse this system whatsoever"


End file.
